Taking offense

A few months ago in Sunday School, a comment was made about something in the lesson. A discussion ensued, in which I made a comment based on a verse in the reading assignment. The class closed and I went on my merry way. A few weeks later, I was asked to attend ward counsel for the RS Pres. Sitting next to me was a man who had a copy of an email in his lap. Before the meeting started, he passed it to me and as I read, things seemed familiar. The email was from a visitor who had been in the previously mentioned class. They had been the commenter and whatever comment I made, not only caused offense, but caused great amounts of research to prove I was wrong. The email, reminded the man of the incident and suggested that he present in Sunday School that I was wrong, and the writer of the email was right. Also mentioned was that the man's wife was humiliated and embarassed. Wow!

Perception is a strange thing. The incident, which had no emotional charge for me, had been completely forgotten. And I can assure you, whether I was right or wrong I would not have cared. I felt bad the woman was embarassed, but that was a choice she made that day. For if she had approached me then or even later, I would have apologized and thanked her for teaching me whatever the point was. Yet here it was weeks later, and these two were still upset by the incident. Meantime, I was going on my merry way.

Stranger still, was that the very same Sunday, I had the opportunity to offend someone AGAIN. There was a woman in Relief Society that day. I was conducting the meeting. She seemed familiar, but I announced her as a visitor and asked her name. She had this strange look on her face. After the meeting, she asked, "Dont you recognize me?" And then she explained how I should know her. Well I felt bad, but I had only seen her a few times and the relationship had not expanded or continued. I did apologize though and assured her that now I did remember and how silly it was of me. She truly looked as if I had deeply hurt her.

I left that day asking myself what it is I was supposed to learn about offenses. I am not sure I have the answer yet, but I really believe that most people, when they offend, mean no offense. My grandmother used to always say, "dont take offense where none is meant." When we do take offense, it can be a message to us. Why does this hurt? What does it remind me of? What can I do about it? How can I choose not to take offense? And of course if we come up with any answers, EFT can really help us remove the emotional charge and release it to the wind where it belongs. We dont need the extra baggage. I have found a good way to deflect offense is to either think, "that is not my problem." Or just to bless that person and try to forgive in the moment. Most people dont want to hurt us. Give others the benefit of the doubt.

Blessings,
Dawn