Do you ever have the experience of being overlooked? How does it feel? Not so good. Sometimes it brings up hurtful things from the past. But even worse, is when your child, who is beautiful, wonderful, truly talented, is overlooked. I am embarrassed to say that it has brought out things in me that are not so nice. I have a child who has had physical talents since a young age. He has also carried deep fears and inadequacies for years. I am not sure where they came from, but I suspect mistakes I made as an inexperienced young mom, may be contributors. It seems to attract negative experiences to him. And even though we have encouraged him and he has worked hard to overcome and excel, his coaches repeatedly overlook his talent. This is not a "my child is perfect" syndrome. He really is a hard worker, respectful, and physically talented. And yet other children who have many more bad faults and equal or less talent, seem to have the opportunity to shine.
Well, I am deciding to change my tune. As we recover from football and move on to basketball, I am making a conscious choice to support him and his team gracefully. And whether he plays or not, is really his choice and learning experience. How I respond can be an example and give him the opportunity to reflect and change what is needed to draw more positive opportunities to him.
EFT:
Even though my child is regularly overlooked, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though no one can see his talent but me, I choose to know others can see his goodness.
Even though he may never get the credit or spotlight he truly deserves, I let go of the need for him to succeed and receive the experience I am meant to have.
Even though I want to be able to be proud of his achievements, I accept my child for the talents I know he has that we benefit quietly the most from.
Even thought I have these pride issues, I choose to let him have his own experiences...
And so it goes. Our disappointments are a message to us. Why do I need for my child to be publicly recognized? Why do I need to be publicly recognized? What can we do to encourage healthy self esteem no matter what the world says? How do we encourage him to accept what is and release it and move on? These aren't always easy questions and there aren't always answers. But by asking the questions, we can move in a direction of ease and grace from unsettled and unhappy feelings. And asking questions can bring the answers we need, so that we can move to happier and more accepting circumstances. A shift of emotion often creates an avalanche of change and opportunity.
Blessings,
Dawn
Monday, October 15, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Taking offense
A few months ago in Sunday School, a comment was made about something in the lesson. A discussion ensued, in which I made a comment based on a verse in the reading assignment. The class closed and I went on my merry way. A few weeks later, I was asked to attend ward counsel for the RS Pres. Sitting next to me was a man who had a copy of an email in his lap. Before the meeting started, he passed it to me and as I read, things seemed familiar. The email was from a visitor who had been in the previously mentioned class. They had been the commenter and whatever comment I made, not only caused offense, but caused great amounts of research to prove I was wrong. The email, reminded the man of the incident and suggested that he present in Sunday School that I was wrong, and the writer of the email was right. Also mentioned was that the man's wife was humiliated and embarassed. Wow!
Perception is a strange thing. The incident, which had no emotional charge for me, had been completely forgotten. And I can assure you, whether I was right or wrong I would not have cared. I felt bad the woman was embarassed, but that was a choice she made that day. For if she had approached me then or even later, I would have apologized and thanked her for teaching me whatever the point was. Yet here it was weeks later, and these two were still upset by the incident. Meantime, I was going on my merry way.
Stranger still, was that the very same Sunday, I had the opportunity to offend someone AGAIN. There was a woman in Relief Society that day. I was conducting the meeting. She seemed familiar, but I announced her as a visitor and asked her name. She had this strange look on her face. After the meeting, she asked, "Dont you recognize me?" And then she explained how I should know her. Well I felt bad, but I had only seen her a few times and the relationship had not expanded or continued. I did apologize though and assured her that now I did remember and how silly it was of me. She truly looked as if I had deeply hurt her.
I left that day asking myself what it is I was supposed to learn about offenses. I am not sure I have the answer yet, but I really believe that most people, when they offend, mean no offense. My grandmother used to always say, "dont take offense where none is meant." When we do take offense, it can be a message to us. Why does this hurt? What does it remind me of? What can I do about it? How can I choose not to take offense? And of course if we come up with any answers, EFT can really help us remove the emotional charge and release it to the wind where it belongs. We dont need the extra baggage. I have found a good way to deflect offense is to either think, "that is not my problem." Or just to bless that person and try to forgive in the moment. Most people dont want to hurt us. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
Blessings,
Dawn
Perception is a strange thing. The incident, which had no emotional charge for me, had been completely forgotten. And I can assure you, whether I was right or wrong I would not have cared. I felt bad the woman was embarassed, but that was a choice she made that day. For if she had approached me then or even later, I would have apologized and thanked her for teaching me whatever the point was. Yet here it was weeks later, and these two were still upset by the incident. Meantime, I was going on my merry way.
Stranger still, was that the very same Sunday, I had the opportunity to offend someone AGAIN. There was a woman in Relief Society that day. I was conducting the meeting. She seemed familiar, but I announced her as a visitor and asked her name. She had this strange look on her face. After the meeting, she asked, "Dont you recognize me?" And then she explained how I should know her. Well I felt bad, but I had only seen her a few times and the relationship had not expanded or continued. I did apologize though and assured her that now I did remember and how silly it was of me. She truly looked as if I had deeply hurt her.
I left that day asking myself what it is I was supposed to learn about offenses. I am not sure I have the answer yet, but I really believe that most people, when they offend, mean no offense. My grandmother used to always say, "dont take offense where none is meant." When we do take offense, it can be a message to us. Why does this hurt? What does it remind me of? What can I do about it? How can I choose not to take offense? And of course if we come up with any answers, EFT can really help us remove the emotional charge and release it to the wind where it belongs. We dont need the extra baggage. I have found a good way to deflect offense is to either think, "that is not my problem." Or just to bless that person and try to forgive in the moment. Most people dont want to hurt us. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
Blessings,
Dawn
Monday, July 02, 2007
STAND in Holy Places
I had the great opportunity to teach a lesson to the women in Church this week. Our Stake Pres has given us a challenge for the year. That as many members of our stake as possible be together in the temple on Dec 28 of this year. That charge is shaping some of the things we do in our Relief Society this year. Originally I thought I would teach about the temple, but decided instead to talk about standing in Holy Places. And not just the temple. Stand in reverence in our chapels and buildings. Create sacred places of our homes. And in fact, living our lives in such a way that no matter where we stand, it can become a holy place. How do we do that? Putting on the armour of God as directed in section 27 of the D&C is a good start.
Brigham Young said, “Thirty years’ experience has taught me that every moment of my life must be holiness to the Lord, resulting from equity, justice, mercy and uprightness in all my actions, which is the only course by which I can preserve the Spirit of the Almighty to myself.”
That's a tall order. And we can do it with the Lord's help. I have found if we ask Him to show us our weakness, He will! And then we have something to work on. We dont have to do it all at once. As Sheri Dew once suggested, we can just choose one thing at a time, and when we have made great strides forward, we can move on to something else. Sometimes that involves removing the negative. We have extra help with EFT. Whether it's physical cravings for things that we do not need, or the desire to gossip or do any other things that dulls our spirit, we can take the edge off of those less than perfect desires with just a little tapping. What a great tool!
Blessings, Dawn
Brigham Young said, “Thirty years’ experience has taught me that every moment of my life must be holiness to the Lord, resulting from equity, justice, mercy and uprightness in all my actions, which is the only course by which I can preserve the Spirit of the Almighty to myself.”
That's a tall order. And we can do it with the Lord's help. I have found if we ask Him to show us our weakness, He will! And then we have something to work on. We dont have to do it all at once. As Sheri Dew once suggested, we can just choose one thing at a time, and when we have made great strides forward, we can move on to something else. Sometimes that involves removing the negative. We have extra help with EFT. Whether it's physical cravings for things that we do not need, or the desire to gossip or do any other things that dulls our spirit, we can take the edge off of those less than perfect desires with just a little tapping. What a great tool!
Blessings, Dawn
Saturday, June 30, 2007
No more weight issues
Tomorrow, a new topic. STANDING in Holy Places. Blessings, Dawn
Part VII
Hi Everyone,
Dr. Carol Look gives us the 7th installment in her very popular weight loss series.
Please note that very few of the tapping issues in this case are for food and cravings. Instead, Carol addresses the many underlying issues that form the foundation beneath the need to overeat. You might wish to copy down a list of the many issues involved. They represent a very helpful checklist for future use with overweight clients.
Hugs, Gary
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Patti" called me in the middle of April for sessions to help her lose weight. She had attended the Flagstaff, Arizona EFT Specialty Conference and had participated from her seat in the audience in my 3-hour presentation for weight loss. She had lost 9 lbs. since then (March 18th) but was frustrated by hitting a 2-week plateau.
During her 1st session (90 minutes), Patti told me she had always felt fat, had been told she was fat by an ex-husband, and had basically been obsessed with her body image and weight problems her whole life. We tapped as follows:
"Even though I feel fat, and always have, I deeply love and accept myself anyway."
"Even though I believe I'm fat...Even though I'm convinced I'm too big..."
"Even though I feel huge and fat now when I look at myself..."
Her SUD's level (level of intense emotion on a scale of 0-10) on these issues dropped dramatically. Patti looked at her body and admitted she had a decent figure after all.
We also tapped for Patti's addiction to/cravings for carbohydrates.
I asked Patti if feelings about family members or friends were contributing to this plateau. She admitted that she felt guilty losing weight because her mother was overweight. In fact, when she visited her mother after having lost 9 lbs., her mother was anxious and uptight, tried to "feed" her and gave her extra high calorie food to take home. We tapped as follows:
"Even though I know I'll feel guilty if I lose more weight and my mother stays fat..."
"Even though I feel guilty now because I lost weight and she feels uncomfortable..."
"Even though I still feel guilty about being thinner than my mother..."
Again, her SUD's levels dropped significantly and she felt more detached.
Patti said "I'm sabotaging my personal weight loss to protect myself from my mother and my success" and felt trapped by certain limiting beliefs about her success.
"Even though I'm never successful at what I want to do...and the more I want it the less able I am to accomplish it..."
"Even though I can't be successful without my mother's support..."
"Even though she won't give me her support if I'm successful..."
"Even though I don't feel safe when I'm successful...I'm afraid to lose more weight..."
Patti then described painful feelings surrounding her perfectionism and became severely anxious during this discussion. We continued tapping.
"Even though I feel the pressure to be perfect...."
"Even though I'm not perfect but want to be..."
"Even though I wish I could accept myself as not perfect..." (during some of the reminder phrases we used "I choose to accept myself even though I'm not perfect")
Patti described her "if only" game in which she could never arrive at her goal. There was always a sense of "if only I could lose this weight...then I could be successful."
She then revealed a prejudice that was getting in her way. "I hate fat people because they aren't perfect." So we tapped for that phrase. "Even though I hate fat people because they're not perfect...and NEITHER AM I..." This turned into "Even though I hate fat people because they resent me and disapprove of me..."
Patti had had a few experiences at the conference where women who were considerably more overweight than she was criticizing her for having "issues" with her body/weight. In addition, she felt her mother's resentment and disapproval. After these few rounds of tapping, she noticed a dramatic and clear cognitive shift. She no longer felt this prejudice against others or herself. (This was a critical shift since Patti wished to work as a therapist with overweight clients).
We then addressed additional beliefs that were impeding Patti's weight loss progress.
"Even though I'll probably gain the weight back like I always have..."
"Even though (no matter what) it has to be a struggle to keep the weight off..."
"Even though I believe I always have to be on guard or else I'll gain it back..."
Again, some of the reminder phrases were "I choose to feel relaxed about my body, I choose to feel peaceful about my weight loss...safe about my weight loss and success."
Finally, we tapped for the extreme guilt she feels after eating and her overall anxiety about food:
"Even though I want to release the guilt about overeating..."
"Even though I give food too much power and I'm tired of being anxious all the time..."
We ended with a visualization of her at her goal weight and tapped for any discomfort.
During our 2nd session (45 minutes) Patti reported being in control of her food portions and that she had lost an additional 3 lbs. with ease, although she continued to feel guilty when she wasn't hyper-vigilant about watching what she ate. We tapped as follows:
"Even though I don't feel safe letting down my guard..."
Another important limiting belief surfaced. Patti said, "If I lose the weight, I'll have to excel at what I want to do." This was a "downside" (or pressure) of her reaching her weight loss goal. We continued to tap around safety issues for losing more weight:
"Even though I still feel unsafe about getting thinner..."
"Even though THEY won't feel safe if I lose more weight..."
"Even though I'm afraid to change..."
Then I asked her what the downside was of her feeling successful and powerful. Patti replied, "I wouldn't know how to be in the world. I've always been an underachiever. I only know myself as someone with dreams who never follows through. It won't feel like me unless I am unhappy at what I am doing professionally." We tapped for all of these phrases, alternating "I choose" with positive/negative statements for the reminder phrase.
"Even though I'm afraid to step into my power...(I can feel safe stepping into my power)"
"Even though I've never been good enough because I'm not perfect...I AM good enough"
"Even though I let myself get distracted so I can avoid my power..."
"Even though I think I'm a fraud so I block my power..."
(Notice there was minimal tapping for food, eating habits, or actual pounds during these sessions).
During Patti's 3rd session we focused on her tendency not to live up to her potential, the "upside" of this behavior, and how she felt unprotected when she was thinner. She described a deep sense of loneliness about the loss of a major relationship that had been contributing to her eating this winter. We tapped on a physical lump in her throat as well as the feeling of loneliness. We tapped more on the theme of feeling unsafe and vulnerable when being powerful and successful, as well as the threat her mother might feel about her progress.
We ended with another visualization of her at her goal weight and tapped for any emotional or physical feelings of discomfort. Her homework assignments were to tap for "feeling inadequate," "fear of changing" and "not feeling safe."
Patti canceled her 4th session (6/5/01) because she had reached her goal weight (actually 1 = pounds below her goal) and had lost a total of 20 pounds since 3/18/01. In a follow-up phone call (7/11/01) Patti said she had maintained her 20 lb. weight loss and summarized her progress as follows:
1. "I feel in control of myself and my eating."
2. "I no longer feel fearful of food."
3. "I don't have any more guilt after I eat."
4. "There's no more body hatred or severe self-criticism."
5. "I am enjoying food more than ever."
We scheduled a follow-up session for some anxiety about a new relationship and the anticipatory fear that she might gain back some weight.
Carol Look
Part VII
Hi Everyone,
Dr. Carol Look gives us the 7th installment in her very popular weight loss series.
Please note that very few of the tapping issues in this case are for food and cravings. Instead, Carol addresses the many underlying issues that form the foundation beneath the need to overeat. You might wish to copy down a list of the many issues involved. They represent a very helpful checklist for future use with overweight clients.
Hugs, Gary
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Patti" called me in the middle of April for sessions to help her lose weight. She had attended the Flagstaff, Arizona EFT Specialty Conference and had participated from her seat in the audience in my 3-hour presentation for weight loss. She had lost 9 lbs. since then (March 18th) but was frustrated by hitting a 2-week plateau.
During her 1st session (90 minutes), Patti told me she had always felt fat, had been told she was fat by an ex-husband, and had basically been obsessed with her body image and weight problems her whole life. We tapped as follows:
"Even though I feel fat, and always have, I deeply love and accept myself anyway."
"Even though I believe I'm fat...Even though I'm convinced I'm too big..."
"Even though I feel huge and fat now when I look at myself..."
Her SUD's level (level of intense emotion on a scale of 0-10) on these issues dropped dramatically. Patti looked at her body and admitted she had a decent figure after all.
We also tapped for Patti's addiction to/cravings for carbohydrates.
I asked Patti if feelings about family members or friends were contributing to this plateau. She admitted that she felt guilty losing weight because her mother was overweight. In fact, when she visited her mother after having lost 9 lbs., her mother was anxious and uptight, tried to "feed" her and gave her extra high calorie food to take home. We tapped as follows:
"Even though I know I'll feel guilty if I lose more weight and my mother stays fat..."
"Even though I feel guilty now because I lost weight and she feels uncomfortable..."
"Even though I still feel guilty about being thinner than my mother..."
Again, her SUD's levels dropped significantly and she felt more detached.
Patti said "I'm sabotaging my personal weight loss to protect myself from my mother and my success" and felt trapped by certain limiting beliefs about her success.
"Even though I'm never successful at what I want to do...and the more I want it the less able I am to accomplish it..."
"Even though I can't be successful without my mother's support..."
"Even though she won't give me her support if I'm successful..."
"Even though I don't feel safe when I'm successful...I'm afraid to lose more weight..."
Patti then described painful feelings surrounding her perfectionism and became severely anxious during this discussion. We continued tapping.
"Even though I feel the pressure to be perfect...."
"Even though I'm not perfect but want to be..."
"Even though I wish I could accept myself as not perfect..." (during some of the reminder phrases we used "I choose to accept myself even though I'm not perfect")
Patti described her "if only" game in which she could never arrive at her goal. There was always a sense of "if only I could lose this weight...then I could be successful."
She then revealed a prejudice that was getting in her way. "I hate fat people because they aren't perfect." So we tapped for that phrase. "Even though I hate fat people because they're not perfect...and NEITHER AM I..." This turned into "Even though I hate fat people because they resent me and disapprove of me..."
Patti had had a few experiences at the conference where women who were considerably more overweight than she was criticizing her for having "issues" with her body/weight. In addition, she felt her mother's resentment and disapproval. After these few rounds of tapping, she noticed a dramatic and clear cognitive shift. She no longer felt this prejudice against others or herself. (This was a critical shift since Patti wished to work as a therapist with overweight clients).
We then addressed additional beliefs that were impeding Patti's weight loss progress.
"Even though I'll probably gain the weight back like I always have..."
"Even though (no matter what) it has to be a struggle to keep the weight off..."
"Even though I believe I always have to be on guard or else I'll gain it back..."
Again, some of the reminder phrases were "I choose to feel relaxed about my body, I choose to feel peaceful about my weight loss...safe about my weight loss and success."
Finally, we tapped for the extreme guilt she feels after eating and her overall anxiety about food:
"Even though I want to release the guilt about overeating..."
"Even though I give food too much power and I'm tired of being anxious all the time..."
We ended with a visualization of her at her goal weight and tapped for any discomfort.
During our 2nd session (45 minutes) Patti reported being in control of her food portions and that she had lost an additional 3 lbs. with ease, although she continued to feel guilty when she wasn't hyper-vigilant about watching what she ate. We tapped as follows:
"Even though I don't feel safe letting down my guard..."
Another important limiting belief surfaced. Patti said, "If I lose the weight, I'll have to excel at what I want to do." This was a "downside" (or pressure) of her reaching her weight loss goal. We continued to tap around safety issues for losing more weight:
"Even though I still feel unsafe about getting thinner..."
"Even though THEY won't feel safe if I lose more weight..."
"Even though I'm afraid to change..."
Then I asked her what the downside was of her feeling successful and powerful. Patti replied, "I wouldn't know how to be in the world. I've always been an underachiever. I only know myself as someone with dreams who never follows through. It won't feel like me unless I am unhappy at what I am doing professionally." We tapped for all of these phrases, alternating "I choose" with positive/negative statements for the reminder phrase.
"Even though I'm afraid to step into my power...(I can feel safe stepping into my power)"
"Even though I've never been good enough because I'm not perfect...I AM good enough"
"Even though I let myself get distracted so I can avoid my power..."
"Even though I think I'm a fraud so I block my power..."
(Notice there was minimal tapping for food, eating habits, or actual pounds during these sessions).
During Patti's 3rd session we focused on her tendency not to live up to her potential, the "upside" of this behavior, and how she felt unprotected when she was thinner. She described a deep sense of loneliness about the loss of a major relationship that had been contributing to her eating this winter. We tapped on a physical lump in her throat as well as the feeling of loneliness. We tapped more on the theme of feeling unsafe and vulnerable when being powerful and successful, as well as the threat her mother might feel about her progress.
We ended with another visualization of her at her goal weight and tapped for any emotional or physical feelings of discomfort. Her homework assignments were to tap for "feeling inadequate," "fear of changing" and "not feeling safe."
Patti canceled her 4th session (6/5/01) because she had reached her goal weight (actually 1 = pounds below her goal) and had lost a total of 20 pounds since 3/18/01. In a follow-up phone call (7/11/01) Patti said she had maintained her 20 lb. weight loss and summarized her progress as follows:
1. "I feel in control of myself and my eating."
2. "I no longer feel fearful of food."
3. "I don't have any more guilt after I eat."
4. "There's no more body hatred or severe self-criticism."
5. "I am enjoying food more than ever."
We scheduled a follow-up session for some anxiety about a new relationship and the anticipatory fear that she might gain back some weight.
Carol Look
Part VI
Hi Everyone,
This installment in Dr. Carol Look's weight loss series focuses on a client who, to the eyes of others, doesn't have a weight problem. To her own eyes, however, she is overweight with attendant negative body image issues.
Body image issues often serve to undermine self-confidence and thus anything we can do to resolve them points toward major life changes. Accordingly, Carol's message below gives important insights, methods and languaging to assist us in relieving this widespread problem.
Hugs, Gary
P.S. Thought for the day:
"The most important things we need to learn were never taught in school."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At last weekend's San Diego Energy Conference, "Sharon" came running up to me to tell me how well she had been doing with her weight loss program since the EFT Specialty conference in Flagstaff, Arizona (March 18th) where she participated in my 3-hour presentation on Weight Loss with EFT. Below is part interview/ part narrative describing her progress in attitude, feelings and pounds.
Sharon had volunteered during a later portion of the Flagstaff workshop when I specifically asked for participants who didn't manifest a physical, visible weight problem, but had negative body image issues.
CAROL: What do you remember as part of the Flagstaff seminar that worked for you?
SHARON: When you asked us to remember times we had been shamed about our bodies, I started tapping and suddenly remembered a shaming comment from High School.
CAROL: Tell me what you remembered.
SHARON: I think we all tapped for "Even though they shamed me about my body..." and I remembered an incident when I was 16 years old and dancing the twist with MC. I thought I was really hot and MC said, "Gee, Sharon, you don't have much of a body, but you sure know how to use it!" I felt mortified when he said it and I felt terrible and surprised on stage when I remembered it and connected it with my poor body image. Then I tapped for "Even though MC shamed my body..." and "Even though he hurt my self-image..." until it subsided. I also think you asked us to tap for "Even though I feel inadequate, and my body's not enough..." which is how I've always felt about myself.
CAROL: And how has the tapping we did on stage helped you since then?
SHARON: I realized I have been trying to get "THAT BODY" since I was 16 (now in early fifties) which was impossible.
CAROL: What body?
SHARON: The body that MC said I didn't have and would never have. I no longer feel that I can't have THAT body. Now when I see beautiful women in the gym, I don't have to hate them, but I see models of the type of body I can have when I reach my goal weight.
CAROL: And you think unearthing and tapping for that shaming incident helped you lose weight?
SHARON: Absolutely. I've lost 7 pounds since then and the body shame is gone.
Sharon and I had trouble remembering exactly what other setups were used for tapping, but the general themes were sadness, shame regarding body image, and forgiving the people who shamed her. Examples were:
"Even though I hate my body..."
"Even though I'm mad at him/her for shaming me...." and
"Even though I forgive him/her for shaming me..."
CAROL: What else have you noticed?
SHARON: I am working out longer and harder at the gym and I'm loving it.
CAROL: That's new?
SHARON: Yes, it no longer seems like a chore. It's no longer a "should" or a "have to." I'm excited about it now.
CAROL: And what else have you noticed?
SHARON: The cravings in general are gone.
CAROL: You tapped in Flagstaff with the other participants for cravings?
SHARON: Yes, for all those cravings for chocolate and bread. "Even though I have terrible cravings..." and "Even though I don't want to give up my favorite food..." etc
CAROL: And "Even though I'll feel deprived if I give up my chocolate?"
SHARON: Right. And "Even though I'm afraid I won't feel safe without my food..." and "Even though I'm afraid to leave my comfort zone..."
CAROL: What else?
SHARON: My portion control is much better too. I no longer have this tormenting dialogue that went something like, "Should I, shouldn't I...If I eat it now I'll pay for it later...I'm not going to have it, but I wish I could..." I no longer feel the pressure that I have to lose weight. It feels like a choice now.
CAROL: Have you done much tapping yourself since the Flagstaff workshop?
SHARON: No, only a little for some cravings I had in the beginning. And for the exposure and vulnerability I felt when I was up on stage.
CAROL: What do you mean?
SHARON: I felt I didn't belong because I see myself as overweight and the others all seemed very thin to me. So I felt embarrassed and vulnerable and afraid everyone was thinking I didn't belong in that group when you asked for volunteers who weren't overweight.
CAROL: And the vulnerability subsided?
SHARON: Yes.
CAROL: And what else seemed significant?
SHARON: You gave me permission to say out loud all those nasty, ugly, hateful things that live in me about my body. It felt like infinite permission when you asked us to tap for "Even though I hate my body, and don't accept my body, I deeply and completely accept myself ANYWAY." And now I really do feel accepting of my body.
CAROL: Anything else?
SHARON: Yes, now I'm not so afraid of my deteriorating body as it gets flabby and loose as I age, but rather I'm focused on taking care of it and how to make it strong and healthy. And I have deep confidence, because I KNOW I can reach my goal now.
Dr. Carol Look
Hi Everyone,
This installment in Dr. Carol Look's weight loss series focuses on a client who, to the eyes of others, doesn't have a weight problem. To her own eyes, however, she is overweight with attendant negative body image issues.
Body image issues often serve to undermine self-confidence and thus anything we can do to resolve them points toward major life changes. Accordingly, Carol's message below gives important insights, methods and languaging to assist us in relieving this widespread problem.
Hugs, Gary
P.S. Thought for the day:
"The most important things we need to learn were never taught in school."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At last weekend's San Diego Energy Conference, "Sharon" came running up to me to tell me how well she had been doing with her weight loss program since the EFT Specialty conference in Flagstaff, Arizona (March 18th) where she participated in my 3-hour presentation on Weight Loss with EFT. Below is part interview/ part narrative describing her progress in attitude, feelings and pounds.
Sharon had volunteered during a later portion of the Flagstaff workshop when I specifically asked for participants who didn't manifest a physical, visible weight problem, but had negative body image issues.
CAROL: What do you remember as part of the Flagstaff seminar that worked for you?
SHARON: When you asked us to remember times we had been shamed about our bodies, I started tapping and suddenly remembered a shaming comment from High School.
CAROL: Tell me what you remembered.
SHARON: I think we all tapped for "Even though they shamed me about my body..." and I remembered an incident when I was 16 years old and dancing the twist with MC. I thought I was really hot and MC said, "Gee, Sharon, you don't have much of a body, but you sure know how to use it!" I felt mortified when he said it and I felt terrible and surprised on stage when I remembered it and connected it with my poor body image. Then I tapped for "Even though MC shamed my body..." and "Even though he hurt my self-image..." until it subsided. I also think you asked us to tap for "Even though I feel inadequate, and my body's not enough..." which is how I've always felt about myself.
CAROL: And how has the tapping we did on stage helped you since then?
SHARON: I realized I have been trying to get "THAT BODY" since I was 16 (now in early fifties) which was impossible.
CAROL: What body?
SHARON: The body that MC said I didn't have and would never have. I no longer feel that I can't have THAT body. Now when I see beautiful women in the gym, I don't have to hate them, but I see models of the type of body I can have when I reach my goal weight.
CAROL: And you think unearthing and tapping for that shaming incident helped you lose weight?
SHARON: Absolutely. I've lost 7 pounds since then and the body shame is gone.
Sharon and I had trouble remembering exactly what other setups were used for tapping, but the general themes were sadness, shame regarding body image, and forgiving the people who shamed her. Examples were:
"Even though I hate my body..."
"Even though I'm mad at him/her for shaming me...." and
"Even though I forgive him/her for shaming me..."
CAROL: What else have you noticed?
SHARON: I am working out longer and harder at the gym and I'm loving it.
CAROL: That's new?
SHARON: Yes, it no longer seems like a chore. It's no longer a "should" or a "have to." I'm excited about it now.
CAROL: And what else have you noticed?
SHARON: The cravings in general are gone.
CAROL: You tapped in Flagstaff with the other participants for cravings?
SHARON: Yes, for all those cravings for chocolate and bread. "Even though I have terrible cravings..." and "Even though I don't want to give up my favorite food..." etc
CAROL: And "Even though I'll feel deprived if I give up my chocolate?"
SHARON: Right. And "Even though I'm afraid I won't feel safe without my food..." and "Even though I'm afraid to leave my comfort zone..."
CAROL: What else?
SHARON: My portion control is much better too. I no longer have this tormenting dialogue that went something like, "Should I, shouldn't I...If I eat it now I'll pay for it later...I'm not going to have it, but I wish I could..." I no longer feel the pressure that I have to lose weight. It feels like a choice now.
CAROL: Have you done much tapping yourself since the Flagstaff workshop?
SHARON: No, only a little for some cravings I had in the beginning. And for the exposure and vulnerability I felt when I was up on stage.
CAROL: What do you mean?
SHARON: I felt I didn't belong because I see myself as overweight and the others all seemed very thin to me. So I felt embarrassed and vulnerable and afraid everyone was thinking I didn't belong in that group when you asked for volunteers who weren't overweight.
CAROL: And the vulnerability subsided?
SHARON: Yes.
CAROL: And what else seemed significant?
SHARON: You gave me permission to say out loud all those nasty, ugly, hateful things that live in me about my body. It felt like infinite permission when you asked us to tap for "Even though I hate my body, and don't accept my body, I deeply and completely accept myself ANYWAY." And now I really do feel accepting of my body.
CAROL: Anything else?
SHARON: Yes, now I'm not so afraid of my deteriorating body as it gets flabby and loose as I age, but rather I'm focused on taking care of it and how to make it strong and healthy. And I have deep confidence, because I KNOW I can reach my goal now.
Dr. Carol Look
Friday, May 18, 2007
Part 5, Carol Look
Things have been busy. Here is part 5. Only two left and then on to other topics. Dawn
Part V
Hi Everyone,
Here is Dr. Carol Look's 5th installment in her weight loss series. This is a very practical look at how to get an otherwise stubborn case turned in the right direction. There are many skillful insights and creative phrases in this case that merit your study.
Hugs, Gary
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Susan" came to me complaining of being "stuck in a rut" as she had gained back 30 pounds in a 3 year period. The last 6 months had been the most stressful because of a chronic struggle with depression, the stress leading up to her wedding, her expensive honeymoon in a foreign country, and her adjustment to married life.
She described late afternoons as her "dangerous" time of day for eating because she said she craved sweets at about 3:00pm at work, no matter what she had for lunch. We began tapping on this simple issue to see if any emotional layers surrounding the cravings surfaced.
"Even though I crave sweets in the afternoon, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway."
"Even though I always want M&M's every afternoon, I deeply and completely..."
Susan stated, "I think they are my reward for the stress at work. They allow me to take a break." We continued to tap:
"Even though I eat when I feel overwhelmed by stress, I deeply love and accept myself."
"Even though eating sweets feels like a reward, I deeply..."
I asked Susan what other times of the day triggered her compulsive overeating.
"After work I go home, plop myself in front of the television and stuff myself."
"What do you think is going on emotionally?"
"I'm not sure..."
We started tapping again:
"Even though I overeat in front of the television, I deeply and completely accept myself." Susan said, "I don't really feel like accepting of myself because I think it's kind of disgusting...but I think I made an important connection."
When in college, Susan would only be able to concentrate and study well when she overate in her dorm room. She would eat and eat while typing papers or studying for exams. She said, "It helped me to concentrate."
I asked her to connect the college eating with her eating in front of the television after work.
"It's the only way I can concentrate after work."
"Why do you need to concentrate after work?"
"It's the only way I can distract myself and leave work behind."
She identified that the television watching wasn't key--as she had previously thought. However, she felt compelled to stuff herself with junk food in order to keep her mind off of work. "I need the food to help me focus on the television which helps me ignore the stress of work." Susan said she felt desperate to unhook from overwhelmed feelings from work stress, and eating was her way to do that.
I asked Susan what else she "needed" after work.
"I need to relax after work, and unwind, but I can't seem to feel relaxed unless I overeat." We tapped as follows:
"Even though I need to eat to relax and feel calm, I deeply..."
"Even though stuffing myself calms me down, I deeply..."
"Even though overeating feels soothing after a long hard day..."
"Even though I can't feel relaxed unless I'm eating/overeating..."
Somewhere around her chin spot Susan began laughing. "That's so silly...there are obviously other ways that I can feel relaxed."
"Like what?"
"Well, I could go to the gym or I could write in my journal."
"Did you think of these before?"
"Well they seem so obvious but they didn't occur to me until now. They would of course be more relaxing than overeating while watching bad TV shows."
Susan literally couldn't access these reasonable alternatives to her overeating behavior until the tapping loosened up the associations and relieved some of the anxiety.
"What other connections are you making?"
"The stress at work of having to prove myself in sales is making me feel awful. And it makes me feel deprived."
(Deprivation is my favorite theme for weight loss clients) We continued to tap:
"Even though I feel deprived because of the pressure at work..."
"Even though I overeat when I feel deprived..."
"Even though I'm tired of having to prove myself in front of my boss..."
Susan said, "Now I feel guilty."
"Why?"
"Because it's so silly and selfish to feel deprived. I have so much in my life, like my health, my parents and my husband. I shouldn't feel deprived."
"Even though I still feel deprived when I shouldn't..."
The following week Susan looked different in her "affect" and sounded different in her tone. Her compulsive overeating after work had definitely calmed down, and she had been attending the gym more regularly. She admitted she was still making poor food choices for dinner, but felt she was moving in the right direction. She felt less clouded, less depressed, and more hopeful.
While she was convinced that putting the clocks forward had something to do with her new feelings of well-being, she couldn't deny that the tapping had helped turn around her attitude and perspective. Most importantly, she felt hopeful she could make a commitment to a new weight loss/health program instead of spiraling downward. The upwards momentum felt wonderful to her and changed her outlook about everything.
Nonetheless she still felt deprived, although the focus of these feelings this week was connected to her husband's attention. He works a night shift while she holds a nine-to-five job.
We tapped for "Even though we don't have enough quality time together..." and "Even though I miss my husband's attention..." and she continued to feel more hopeful. It was physically and emotionally obvious that former limiting beliefs and feelings of discouragement about her capabilities to lose weight had been dramatically diluted.
In this case, my client's excess weight has not begun to fall off yet, but we both could identify significant progress. Susan will continue to aim her tapping at feelings of deprivation and stress as key emotional drivers to her compulsive overeating. She admitted she still felt afraid to make the final commitment, but was delighted she was so much closer to taking this step. She felt like a "new person." This, I told her, was the perfect starting point to losing weight. Feeling the way she had before---discouraged, depressed, lethargic, self-hating---had only inhibited her ability to even imagine that she could successfully lose weight.
In my experience, too many clinicians and clients become discouraged at this point only because the scale is not registering dramatic losses. This is the time to keep tapping on the underlying themes as well as the behavior until the subtle shifts gain momentum and direct the client to new behavior and visible results.
Carol Look, C.S.W., D.C.H.
Part V
Hi Everyone,
Here is Dr. Carol Look's 5th installment in her weight loss series. This is a very practical look at how to get an otherwise stubborn case turned in the right direction. There are many skillful insights and creative phrases in this case that merit your study.
Hugs, Gary
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Susan" came to me complaining of being "stuck in a rut" as she had gained back 30 pounds in a 3 year period. The last 6 months had been the most stressful because of a chronic struggle with depression, the stress leading up to her wedding, her expensive honeymoon in a foreign country, and her adjustment to married life.
She described late afternoons as her "dangerous" time of day for eating because she said she craved sweets at about 3:00pm at work, no matter what she had for lunch. We began tapping on this simple issue to see if any emotional layers surrounding the cravings surfaced.
"Even though I crave sweets in the afternoon, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway."
"Even though I always want M&M's every afternoon, I deeply and completely..."
Susan stated, "I think they are my reward for the stress at work. They allow me to take a break." We continued to tap:
"Even though I eat when I feel overwhelmed by stress, I deeply love and accept myself."
"Even though eating sweets feels like a reward, I deeply..."
I asked Susan what other times of the day triggered her compulsive overeating.
"After work I go home, plop myself in front of the television and stuff myself."
"What do you think is going on emotionally?"
"I'm not sure..."
We started tapping again:
"Even though I overeat in front of the television, I deeply and completely accept myself." Susan said, "I don't really feel like accepting of myself because I think it's kind of disgusting...but I think I made an important connection."
When in college, Susan would only be able to concentrate and study well when she overate in her dorm room. She would eat and eat while typing papers or studying for exams. She said, "It helped me to concentrate."
I asked her to connect the college eating with her eating in front of the television after work.
"It's the only way I can concentrate after work."
"Why do you need to concentrate after work?"
"It's the only way I can distract myself and leave work behind."
She identified that the television watching wasn't key--as she had previously thought. However, she felt compelled to stuff herself with junk food in order to keep her mind off of work. "I need the food to help me focus on the television which helps me ignore the stress of work." Susan said she felt desperate to unhook from overwhelmed feelings from work stress, and eating was her way to do that.
I asked Susan what else she "needed" after work.
"I need to relax after work, and unwind, but I can't seem to feel relaxed unless I overeat." We tapped as follows:
"Even though I need to eat to relax and feel calm, I deeply..."
"Even though stuffing myself calms me down, I deeply..."
"Even though overeating feels soothing after a long hard day..."
"Even though I can't feel relaxed unless I'm eating/overeating..."
Somewhere around her chin spot Susan began laughing. "That's so silly...there are obviously other ways that I can feel relaxed."
"Like what?"
"Well, I could go to the gym or I could write in my journal."
"Did you think of these before?"
"Well they seem so obvious but they didn't occur to me until now. They would of course be more relaxing than overeating while watching bad TV shows."
Susan literally couldn't access these reasonable alternatives to her overeating behavior until the tapping loosened up the associations and relieved some of the anxiety.
"What other connections are you making?"
"The stress at work of having to prove myself in sales is making me feel awful. And it makes me feel deprived."
(Deprivation is my favorite theme for weight loss clients) We continued to tap:
"Even though I feel deprived because of the pressure at work..."
"Even though I overeat when I feel deprived..."
"Even though I'm tired of having to prove myself in front of my boss..."
Susan said, "Now I feel guilty."
"Why?"
"Because it's so silly and selfish to feel deprived. I have so much in my life, like my health, my parents and my husband. I shouldn't feel deprived."
"Even though I still feel deprived when I shouldn't..."
The following week Susan looked different in her "affect" and sounded different in her tone. Her compulsive overeating after work had definitely calmed down, and she had been attending the gym more regularly. She admitted she was still making poor food choices for dinner, but felt she was moving in the right direction. She felt less clouded, less depressed, and more hopeful.
While she was convinced that putting the clocks forward had something to do with her new feelings of well-being, she couldn't deny that the tapping had helped turn around her attitude and perspective. Most importantly, she felt hopeful she could make a commitment to a new weight loss/health program instead of spiraling downward. The upwards momentum felt wonderful to her and changed her outlook about everything.
Nonetheless she still felt deprived, although the focus of these feelings this week was connected to her husband's attention. He works a night shift while she holds a nine-to-five job.
We tapped for "Even though we don't have enough quality time together..." and "Even though I miss my husband's attention..." and she continued to feel more hopeful. It was physically and emotionally obvious that former limiting beliefs and feelings of discouragement about her capabilities to lose weight had been dramatically diluted.
In this case, my client's excess weight has not begun to fall off yet, but we both could identify significant progress. Susan will continue to aim her tapping at feelings of deprivation and stress as key emotional drivers to her compulsive overeating. She admitted she still felt afraid to make the final commitment, but was delighted she was so much closer to taking this step. She felt like a "new person." This, I told her, was the perfect starting point to losing weight. Feeling the way she had before---discouraged, depressed, lethargic, self-hating---had only inhibited her ability to even imagine that she could successfully lose weight.
In my experience, too many clinicians and clients become discouraged at this point only because the scale is not registering dramatic losses. This is the time to keep tapping on the underlying themes as well as the behavior until the subtle shifts gain momentum and direct the client to new behavior and visible results.
Carol Look, C.S.W., D.C.H.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Today is Easter Sunday and it is very meaningful to me this year. A dear friend from college passed away from Huntington's Disease a couple of weeks ago. I was able to drive to Utah and attend his funeral. Terrell was one of those people that was so genuine, so humble, so happy, that it was hard to believe it wasn't fake. But he was real. And his life impacted many. His affliction brought him great physical trial and he was a prisoner of his own body. At his funeral, his wife had us release white balloons sending our thoughts and love heavenward in memory of Terrell. It is hard to see the expression I caught on camera of his sweet wife's face. It is a look of sheer joy. And it captures the essence of the joy that Resurrection morning brings to all of us. I know Shauna was overjoyed that her dear companion of almost twenty years, had been released from his physical condition and that he no longer has those limitations. If there is baseball in heaven, he is surely the captain of a team. And the day will come, when his body is reunited with his spirit and he will be renewed and perfected. What a blessing to know this!
Our lives here upon the earth are so short. And in spite of the trials that we inevitably face, God wants us to have joy, not only after this life, but while we are living it. After the gospel of Jesus Christ and my family, I am so grateful for a tool that helps us to release our negative thoughts and emotions. Just like releasing the balloons into the sky, we can release these burdens and send them heavenward to God. Then we are able to achieve and experience all that God has for us and all that he designed us to be.
I am so grateful to have known Terrell and for the tremendous example of his beautiful wife. When you have the blessing of knowing these kinds of people, it makes life richer and so much more fulfilling. You want to be a better person. I will always remember Terrell Ewing. He was a true hero.
Blessings, Dawn
Monday, March 19, 2007
Lots of great setups for all kinds of emotions and experiences.
Blessings, Dawn
Part IV
Hi Everyone,
Here is Part IV of Dr. Carol Look's weight loss series. Please note her creative use of EFT for visualization. As you will see, it allowed the client to better see herself at her goal weight (important) AND contributed to the surfacing of underlying core issues (also important).
Hugs, Gary
"Beth" volunteered for a group demonstration involving a visualization technique to create an image of herself at her goal weight. Before directing the group to try to visualize themselves at their goal, I asked them, "What happened the last time you were at your goal weight?" When another class member said she associated her goal weight with getting pregnant, Beth was shocked that "someone else had the same memory/ association."
Beth had been unable to get pregnant and medical tests were unable to locate a cause. When she gained a little weight and reached what she considered her "optimum" weight, she was finally able to get pregnant with her first child. Beth gained 60 pounds with her first pregnancy and was unable to get pregnant for the second time until she reached the same "optimum" weight. Following her second pregnancy (17 years ago) Beth said she was never able to lose the weight again, despite numerous diets and attempts and, needless to say, she never became pregnant again, although she had certainly tried.
Airing this association seemed to be emotionally freeing in itself. So instead of tapping for these aspects, my intuition led me to leave this discussion about pregnancy. Accordingly, I moved the class on to tapping for the visualization exercise, knowing we could always return to this issue later if there were still blocks to the visualization.
I asked the participants to close their eyes and imagine themselves at their goal weight, and to then rate the clarity of this picture. Beth and the rest of the group tapped as follows: "Even though I'm having difficulty seeing myself at my goal weight, I deeply and completely..." After the first round of tapping, Beth told the class she could now see herself twirling in a party dress, happy with a clearer picture in her mind of her "success." She tapped two more rounds for "Even though I'm still having some difficulty seeing myself successfully reaching my goal weight..." and then the image evolved whereby she could see herself at her ideal weight in her everyday clothes, comfortable and peaceful with herself. There were no other immediate blocks to seeing the positive end result. The feelings associated with being pregnant did not resurface.
During the tapping for the visualization, Beth revealed to the class that she had gotten in touch with a memory of the first time someone shamed her for eating too much. She was five years old and remembered being scolded at a party when asking for more food. The surfacing of this memory was definitely a surprise to her. I asked the entire class to tap for "Even though I'm ashamed of myself...and my body...and for being overweight...I deeply and completely accept myself anyway." I then asked them to use the forgiveness set up ("I forgive myself for being overweight...for being ashamed of myself...") while tapping the treatment point on the index finger.
In a follow-up phone call with Beth 5 weeks later, she reported the following: "I have lost 10 pounds, I have been able to stick to my low carbohydrate diet, and I have lots of energy." During this time, tapped for the following aspects:
"Even though I crave carbohydrates...,"
"Even though this weight loss stuff is going too slow...," and
"Even though I seem to be at a plateau..."
She tapped for "Even though I can't eat like others..." (an essential key for her) and "Even though I need to exercise more than twice a week..."
I made the following suggestions to Beth to fine tune her language and hopefully push her off her plateau.:
"Even though my body doesn't want to let go/ wants to hold on to the weight..." and "Even though my body refuses to leave this plateau..."
She was also using the phrase, "I need to exercise" which I thought needed some revision. So, I asked her to be more specific about her exercise routine and to target the feelings she had about exercising. Here is the recommended wording.
"Even though I dread exercising..." or
"Even though I resist exercising more than twice a week..."
I asked Beth how she was feeling emotionally about having lost 10 pounds so far. She said she wasn't terribly excited because she's "done it before" and just felt very frustrated with herself for getting back into this position of needing to lose the weight again. We tapped over the phone for "Even though I'm frustrated and mad at myself that I've got to go through this again...I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway."
My final suggestion to push through the resistance was to start every day with the classic treatment for deep psychological reversal, "I deeply and completely accept myself even if I never get over this problem/ never lose the weight."
She promised to write me when she lost the next 10 pounds!
Dr. Carol Look
Blessings, Dawn
Part IV
Hi Everyone,
Here is Part IV of Dr. Carol Look's weight loss series. Please note her creative use of EFT for visualization. As you will see, it allowed the client to better see herself at her goal weight (important) AND contributed to the surfacing of underlying core issues (also important).
Hugs, Gary
"Beth" volunteered for a group demonstration involving a visualization technique to create an image of herself at her goal weight. Before directing the group to try to visualize themselves at their goal, I asked them, "What happened the last time you were at your goal weight?" When another class member said she associated her goal weight with getting pregnant, Beth was shocked that "someone else had the same memory/ association."
Beth had been unable to get pregnant and medical tests were unable to locate a cause. When she gained a little weight and reached what she considered her "optimum" weight, she was finally able to get pregnant with her first child. Beth gained 60 pounds with her first pregnancy and was unable to get pregnant for the second time until she reached the same "optimum" weight. Following her second pregnancy (17 years ago) Beth said she was never able to lose the weight again, despite numerous diets and attempts and, needless to say, she never became pregnant again, although she had certainly tried.
Airing this association seemed to be emotionally freeing in itself. So instead of tapping for these aspects, my intuition led me to leave this discussion about pregnancy. Accordingly, I moved the class on to tapping for the visualization exercise, knowing we could always return to this issue later if there were still blocks to the visualization.
I asked the participants to close their eyes and imagine themselves at their goal weight, and to then rate the clarity of this picture. Beth and the rest of the group tapped as follows: "Even though I'm having difficulty seeing myself at my goal weight, I deeply and completely..." After the first round of tapping, Beth told the class she could now see herself twirling in a party dress, happy with a clearer picture in her mind of her "success." She tapped two more rounds for "Even though I'm still having some difficulty seeing myself successfully reaching my goal weight..." and then the image evolved whereby she could see herself at her ideal weight in her everyday clothes, comfortable and peaceful with herself. There were no other immediate blocks to seeing the positive end result. The feelings associated with being pregnant did not resurface.
During the tapping for the visualization, Beth revealed to the class that she had gotten in touch with a memory of the first time someone shamed her for eating too much. She was five years old and remembered being scolded at a party when asking for more food. The surfacing of this memory was definitely a surprise to her. I asked the entire class to tap for "Even though I'm ashamed of myself...and my body...and for being overweight...I deeply and completely accept myself anyway." I then asked them to use the forgiveness set up ("I forgive myself for being overweight...for being ashamed of myself...") while tapping the treatment point on the index finger.
In a follow-up phone call with Beth 5 weeks later, she reported the following: "I have lost 10 pounds, I have been able to stick to my low carbohydrate diet, and I have lots of energy." During this time, tapped for the following aspects:
"Even though I crave carbohydrates...,"
"Even though this weight loss stuff is going too slow...," and
"Even though I seem to be at a plateau..."
She tapped for "Even though I can't eat like others..." (an essential key for her) and "Even though I need to exercise more than twice a week..."
I made the following suggestions to Beth to fine tune her language and hopefully push her off her plateau.:
"Even though my body doesn't want to let go/ wants to hold on to the weight..." and "Even though my body refuses to leave this plateau..."
She was also using the phrase, "I need to exercise" which I thought needed some revision. So, I asked her to be more specific about her exercise routine and to target the feelings she had about exercising. Here is the recommended wording.
"Even though I dread exercising..." or
"Even though I resist exercising more than twice a week..."
I asked Beth how she was feeling emotionally about having lost 10 pounds so far. She said she wasn't terribly excited because she's "done it before" and just felt very frustrated with herself for getting back into this position of needing to lose the weight again. We tapped over the phone for "Even though I'm frustrated and mad at myself that I've got to go through this again...I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway."
My final suggestion to push through the resistance was to start every day with the classic treatment for deep psychological reversal, "I deeply and completely accept myself even if I never get over this problem/ never lose the weight."
She promised to write me when she lost the next 10 pounds!
Dr. Carol Look
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
WYSIWYG
A break from weight loss. We will be back to the last part next week. But, I wanted to switch gears and speak to what really helps us along our path to losing weight. Taking control of our situation. Being strong. Believing in ourselves. And it all boils down to our thoughts, words, and feelings. Jack Canfield recently had a great article about it. So I will copy and paste his own words. Believe! Dawn
What You SAY is What You Get
In the previous issue of Success Strategies, I talked about how in order to be successful, we must first define what success means to us, and that means getting CLEAR about what you want, writing it down, and thinking BIG!
If you are going to be successful in creating the life of your dreams, you have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. You have to believe you have the right stuff, that you are able to pull it off. You have to believe in yourself. Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-assurance, it is a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes – the abilities, inner resources, talents, and skills to create your desired results.
Ultimately, you must learn to control your self-talk, eliminate any negative and limiting beliefs, and maintain a constant state of positive expectations.
Control Your Self-TalkResearchers have found that the average person thinks as many as 50,000 thoughts a day. Sadly, many of those thoughts are negative — I’m not management material... I’ll never lose weight... It doesn’t matter what I do, nothing ever works out for me. This is what psychologists call victim language. Victim language actually keeps you in a victim state of mind. It is a form of self-hypnosis that lulls you into a belief that you are unlovable and incompetent.
In order to get what you want from life, you need to give up this victim language and start talking to yourself like a winner — I can do it... I know there is a solution... I am smart enough and strong enough to figure this out... Everything I eat helps me maintain my perfect body weight.
You Are Always Programming Your Subconscious Mind Your subconscious mind is like the crew of a ship. You are it's captain. It is your job to give the crew orders. And when you do this, the crew takes everything you say literally. The crew (your subconscious) has no sense of humor. It just blindly follows orders. When you say, “Everything I eat goes straight to my hips,” the crew hears that as an order: Take everything she eats, turn it into fat and put it on her hips. On the other hand, if you say, “Everything I eat helps me maintain my perfect body weight,” the crew will begin to make that into reality by helping you make better food choices, exercise, and maintain the right metabolism rate for you body.
This power of your subconscious mind is the reason you must become very vigilant and pay careful attention to your spoken and internal statements. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize they are committing negative self-talk, which is why it is best to enlist another person — your success partner — in monitoring each other’s speaking. You can have a signal for interrupting each other when you use victim language.
Use Affirmations to Build Self-ConfidenceOne of the most powerful tools for building worthiness and self-confidence is the repetition of positive statements until they become a natural part of the way you think. These “affirmations” act to crowd out and replace the negative orders you have been sending your crew (your subconscious mind) all these years. I suggest that you create a list of 10 to 20 statements that affirm your belief in your worthiness and your ability to create the life of your dreams.
Of course, what to believe is up to you, but here are some examples of affirmations that have worked for others in the past:
I am worthy of love, joy and success. I am smart and make wise choices.I am loveable and capable.I create anything I want. I am able to solve any problem that comes my way. I can handle anything that life hands me. I have all the energy I need to do everything I want to do. I am attracting all the right people into my life.
Believing in Yourself is an Attitude Believing in yourself is a choice. It’s an attitude you develop over time. It’s now your responsibility to take charge of your own self-concept and your beliefs. It might help to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self-talk and positive visualization combined with the proper training, coaching, and practice, anyone can learn to do almost anything.
You must choose to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to – anything at all – because, in fact, you can!
� 2007 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America’s Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
What You SAY is What You Get
In the previous issue of Success Strategies, I talked about how in order to be successful, we must first define what success means to us, and that means getting CLEAR about what you want, writing it down, and thinking BIG!
If you are going to be successful in creating the life of your dreams, you have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. You have to believe you have the right stuff, that you are able to pull it off. You have to believe in yourself. Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-assurance, it is a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes – the abilities, inner resources, talents, and skills to create your desired results.
Ultimately, you must learn to control your self-talk, eliminate any negative and limiting beliefs, and maintain a constant state of positive expectations.
Control Your Self-TalkResearchers have found that the average person thinks as many as 50,000 thoughts a day. Sadly, many of those thoughts are negative — I’m not management material... I’ll never lose weight... It doesn’t matter what I do, nothing ever works out for me. This is what psychologists call victim language. Victim language actually keeps you in a victim state of mind. It is a form of self-hypnosis that lulls you into a belief that you are unlovable and incompetent.
In order to get what you want from life, you need to give up this victim language and start talking to yourself like a winner — I can do it... I know there is a solution... I am smart enough and strong enough to figure this out... Everything I eat helps me maintain my perfect body weight.
You Are Always Programming Your Subconscious Mind Your subconscious mind is like the crew of a ship. You are it's captain. It is your job to give the crew orders. And when you do this, the crew takes everything you say literally. The crew (your subconscious) has no sense of humor. It just blindly follows orders. When you say, “Everything I eat goes straight to my hips,” the crew hears that as an order: Take everything she eats, turn it into fat and put it on her hips. On the other hand, if you say, “Everything I eat helps me maintain my perfect body weight,” the crew will begin to make that into reality by helping you make better food choices, exercise, and maintain the right metabolism rate for you body.
This power of your subconscious mind is the reason you must become very vigilant and pay careful attention to your spoken and internal statements. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize they are committing negative self-talk, which is why it is best to enlist another person — your success partner — in monitoring each other’s speaking. You can have a signal for interrupting each other when you use victim language.
Use Affirmations to Build Self-ConfidenceOne of the most powerful tools for building worthiness and self-confidence is the repetition of positive statements until they become a natural part of the way you think. These “affirmations” act to crowd out and replace the negative orders you have been sending your crew (your subconscious mind) all these years. I suggest that you create a list of 10 to 20 statements that affirm your belief in your worthiness and your ability to create the life of your dreams.
Of course, what to believe is up to you, but here are some examples of affirmations that have worked for others in the past:
I am worthy of love, joy and success. I am smart and make wise choices.I am loveable and capable.I create anything I want. I am able to solve any problem that comes my way. I can handle anything that life hands me. I have all the energy I need to do everything I want to do. I am attracting all the right people into my life.
Believing in Yourself is an Attitude Believing in yourself is a choice. It’s an attitude you develop over time. It’s now your responsibility to take charge of your own self-concept and your beliefs. It might help to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self-talk and positive visualization combined with the proper training, coaching, and practice, anyone can learn to do almost anything.
You must choose to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to – anything at all – because, in fact, you can!
� 2007 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America’s Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, February 26, 2007
Part 3
Many people have a problem losing "just a few" pounds. I am one of those people. Sometimes someone who is not at their ideal weight is made to feel bad about themselves (of course this is always a choice), because they aren't obese. I personally feel right now that the additional weight I am carrying is partly because if I lose it, other people might feel bad. How silly. We should not take on others emotions, we certainly have enough of our own. I think I'll be tapping on that! Blessings, Dawn
Part III
Hi Everyone,
Dr. Carol Look provides us with another installment in her weight loss series. Please notice the many insightful Set Up phrases aimed at the underlying emotional issues.
Hugs, Gary
My client, "John," was very dissatisfied with his body and wanted to address his "weight issue." Despite "getting away with" an extra 15 pounds because of his height and build, he was still unhappy and uncomfortable. Eating sweets in the office as a mood lifter or physiological pick-me-up was his main weakness. He is settling into a new job and finds himself reaching for sweets when he feels anxious, in a bad mood, or is grappling with confidence issues. Since we had been successfully using EFT for his fear of success and fear of envy, he was very open to using EFT for weight loss.
I offered John a plate of peanut M & M's and a small piece of wrapped chocolate. He attributed his low craving/urge to our having an appointment during the morning when he wouldn't ordinarily experience cravings. Nonetheless, he managed to focus in and rate his craving at about a 3 or 4 on the 0-10 scale. When his first impression of the chocolate changed from "inferior, not rich enough to produce a craving" to "oh, now I see that's pretty high quality chocolate," his urge went up. We tapped as follows....
"Even though I crave eating sweets, especially when I'm anxious...I deeply and completely accept myself anyway."
He instantly felt more relaxed and was far less interested in the chocolate. We tapped again....
"Even though I reach for sweets because I think they'll make me feel better..."
We then talked about John's family's attitude toward food when he was young. He said, "I never told you about this? My father hated and still does hate fat people." John said he was continually criticized for eating too much, for being sluggish, and for enjoying reading novels and writing rather than playing sports as a kid. (Please note that John is now an extremely successful writer with both a staff job and several freelance projects for which he is well paid) We tapped as follows....
"Even though my father hated how and what I ate..."
"Even though my father criticized me for being overweight as a child..."
"Even though my father wanted me to exercise instead of read..."
"Even though I wasn't accepted for who I am..."
"Even though he never accepted me for who I was/am..."
John wept during and after this last set up. He said his self-esteem was incredibly low during adolescence because of his father's constant criticism and obsession with his weight and what he ate. He was surprised by the intensity of the emotion and then admitted that not being accepted by his father was the most painful part of his life he could remember.
John then remembered feeling inadequate and poorly about himself in school. We tapped....
"Even though I felt ashamed of my body and the extra weight..."
Two tapping rounds aimed at his shame reduced the intensity of the emotional pain to a faint feeling of discomfort. He was able to take a deep breath and relax. John then went on to describe other emotions connected to his daily eating habits. We tapped as follows....
"Even though I feel guilty EVERY time I eat..." and
"Even though I feel guilty spending money on food...I deeply and completely accept myself anyway."
There's nothing like intense guilt to trigger more anxious eating.
For John, having a high enough salary to enjoy sophisticated New York restaurants whenever he chooses has caused him a great deal of guilt. He feels disloyal to his parents for being successful and for spending money on dining out. He struggles with guilt each and every time he and his friends eat out at a restaurant.
When I saw John 2 weeks later, I noticed his face looked thinner. He confirmed that he had been surprised when he looked in the mirror and noticed it too. The last time he checked, he had lost at least 5 pounds. He had been tapping on himself for mild cravings and general anxiety, and found that it had been surprisingly easy to control his portions and avoid sweets--except for an occasional dessert. He felt in control, relaxed and more peaceful.
I am continually impressed by EFT's effectiveness in the areas of compulsive overeating and weight loss. I hope this case offers more encouragement to the list members who are overeating to manage and tranquilize anxiety. EFT works for weight loss if you use it consistently AND if you address the deeper underlying emotions that are being anesthetized by food.
Dr. Carol Look
Part III
Hi Everyone,
Dr. Carol Look provides us with another installment in her weight loss series. Please notice the many insightful Set Up phrases aimed at the underlying emotional issues.
Hugs, Gary
My client, "John," was very dissatisfied with his body and wanted to address his "weight issue." Despite "getting away with" an extra 15 pounds because of his height and build, he was still unhappy and uncomfortable. Eating sweets in the office as a mood lifter or physiological pick-me-up was his main weakness. He is settling into a new job and finds himself reaching for sweets when he feels anxious, in a bad mood, or is grappling with confidence issues. Since we had been successfully using EFT for his fear of success and fear of envy, he was very open to using EFT for weight loss.
I offered John a plate of peanut M & M's and a small piece of wrapped chocolate. He attributed his low craving/urge to our having an appointment during the morning when he wouldn't ordinarily experience cravings. Nonetheless, he managed to focus in and rate his craving at about a 3 or 4 on the 0-10 scale. When his first impression of the chocolate changed from "inferior, not rich enough to produce a craving" to "oh, now I see that's pretty high quality chocolate," his urge went up. We tapped as follows....
"Even though I crave eating sweets, especially when I'm anxious...I deeply and completely accept myself anyway."
He instantly felt more relaxed and was far less interested in the chocolate. We tapped again....
"Even though I reach for sweets because I think they'll make me feel better..."
We then talked about John's family's attitude toward food when he was young. He said, "I never told you about this? My father hated and still does hate fat people." John said he was continually criticized for eating too much, for being sluggish, and for enjoying reading novels and writing rather than playing sports as a kid. (Please note that John is now an extremely successful writer with both a staff job and several freelance projects for which he is well paid) We tapped as follows....
"Even though my father hated how and what I ate..."
"Even though my father criticized me for being overweight as a child..."
"Even though my father wanted me to exercise instead of read..."
"Even though I wasn't accepted for who I am..."
"Even though he never accepted me for who I was/am..."
John wept during and after this last set up. He said his self-esteem was incredibly low during adolescence because of his father's constant criticism and obsession with his weight and what he ate. He was surprised by the intensity of the emotion and then admitted that not being accepted by his father was the most painful part of his life he could remember.
John then remembered feeling inadequate and poorly about himself in school. We tapped....
"Even though I felt ashamed of my body and the extra weight..."
Two tapping rounds aimed at his shame reduced the intensity of the emotional pain to a faint feeling of discomfort. He was able to take a deep breath and relax. John then went on to describe other emotions connected to his daily eating habits. We tapped as follows....
"Even though I feel guilty EVERY time I eat..." and
"Even though I feel guilty spending money on food...I deeply and completely accept myself anyway."
There's nothing like intense guilt to trigger more anxious eating.
For John, having a high enough salary to enjoy sophisticated New York restaurants whenever he chooses has caused him a great deal of guilt. He feels disloyal to his parents for being successful and for spending money on dining out. He struggles with guilt each and every time he and his friends eat out at a restaurant.
When I saw John 2 weeks later, I noticed his face looked thinner. He confirmed that he had been surprised when he looked in the mirror and noticed it too. The last time he checked, he had lost at least 5 pounds. He had been tapping on himself for mild cravings and general anxiety, and found that it had been surprisingly easy to control his portions and avoid sweets--except for an occasional dessert. He felt in control, relaxed and more peaceful.
I am continually impressed by EFT's effectiveness in the areas of compulsive overeating and weight loss. I hope this case offers more encouragement to the list members who are overeating to manage and tranquilize anxiety. EFT works for weight loss if you use it consistently AND if you address the deeper underlying emotions that are being anesthetized by food.
Dr. Carol Look
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Expert, part 2
My favorite part of the series. Often we are hanging on to more than just weight.
Blessings, Dawn
Part II
Hi Everyone,
This is the second installment in Dr. Carol Look's series on weight loss. This one is rich with quality wordings and Set Up phrases. It also contains an interesting way to approach unrealistic beliefs (I comment on this within Carol's message).
Hugs, Gary
This is the second installment in a series of cases that came out of one of my "EFT For Weight Loss" classes. As you will note, getting to the underlying feelings, images, and emotional drivers is a must if there is to be any progress.
"Jan" tapped along with the whole class for "Even though I have these chocolate cravings..." and "Even though I feel deeply deprived." She had used the "cravings" round on herself so often that she didn't have any real cravings when I displayed the chocolates to the class. The issue of deprivation didn't ring many bells either. It was not until I asked the class to tap for...
"Even though I don't feel safe leaving my comfort zone of weight..."
...that her ears perked up. The whole class tapped several rounds with various wording addressing the "Fear of leaving my comfort zone..." and "Even though I feel more comfortable staying where I am...." After these rounds, the meaning that surfaced for Jan was "With this weight, I know who I am...what would I really be like if I changed and lost the weight?" This was an important fear that was revealed.
After the lunch break, Jan announced she had finally gotten in touch with a primary block/ fear to her losing weight. She told the group she was afraid to end up old and wrinkly with dried up skin like her grandmother. This was not a newly uncovered fear. However, she had never experienced emotion attached to it before. (I suspect the morning's tapping cleared the way for this.) Jan tapped for "Even though I'm afraid to look like my grandmother..."
She then told the group that she was 100% convinced of the "fact," that everyone who loses weight will look old and wrinkly. She had other images of people who ended up just like her grandmother so we tapped for "Even though it's the truth that I'll look old and wrinkly if I lose weight..." We did a few more rounds for versions such as "Even though it's a fact I'll end up wrinkled..." and "Even though I'm convinced I can't lose weight and look good..." By the end of these rounds, Jan said she could relinquish her position on the "facts" about the end result, and said, "well, maybe it wouldn't have to be totally true."
GC COMMENT: This is an excellent way to approach a not-so-realistic belief. What Carol did was to attack the belief head on with several rounds of EFT. This has a way of loosening up the belief and allowing the client's cognition to become more realistic. I've seen this happen many times.
CAROL CONTINUES: Jan told the group that her grandmother was an extremely hard, critical and unpleasant woman to be around. "She was not a good part of my life." Jan had gone to see her in the hospital before she died and had a vivid memory of her looking skinny, ugly and completely shriveled up. She shuddered in front of the class when describing this memory.
So we tapped again, "Even though that image disgusts me, I deeply...." And "Even though I'm afraid to be anything like my grandmother..." as she had been told she already had a family resemblance to her. After the tapping, she said the quality of the picture had changed, allowing her to see herself differently. We also tapped for "I forgive my grandmother for being so mean and critical..." which led Jan to offer, "I guess she was only doing what she knew best."
In a follow-up phone conversation, Jan said that while I was addressing the class during her demonstration and suggesting some possible alternatives, (i.e., that she didn't have to lose all the weight at once if she didn't like the results) her "all or nothing thinking" began to fade. This was the first time she realized she had options and that she was the one in control.
Stay tuned for the next installment.
UPDATE: Dear Gary, Just a quick update on the recent post I sent you...that class participant (who was afraid to lose weight for fear of looking wrinkly and ugly) has lost five lbs in the one month since the workshop...She has continued to tap for her cravings for all things sweet and sugary, especially heavily sweetened southern iced tea.
Carol Look
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Guest expert- 4 parts
By now, most people who had a goal to lose weight for the new year are starting to peter out. I have used EFT with tremendous results on all kinds of physical and emotional issues. I have not used it consistently on anyone to lose weight. I have used it myself with some success but I don't have a lot of weight to lose. So, I am going to share the best of the best, from EFT Master Carol Look. Here is part 1, if you can't wait for the other 3 parts, you can read the entire post on emofree. Go to:
http://www.emofree.com/Addictions/weightlossseries.htm
But just take them one at a time. Here is part 1. And I am going to follow it myself and let you know the results.
Dr. Carol Look's series on Weight Loss
Hi Everyone,
Dr. Carol Look provides us with a series regarding the use of EFT for weight loss. The subsequent installments are appended below. Notice the various well-worded Set Up statements and her pivotal, core-issue question, "What happened the last time you were at your goal weight?"
Hugs, Gary
By Dr. Carol Look
Part I
During my recent "EFT for Weight Loss" seminar, patterns and themes emerged that Gary suggested I write up as a series of posts for the EFT list. Please notice in the case below how simply treating an urge or craving for food fails to address the real emotional drivers that trigger compulsive overeating (which, of course, cause a client to maintain excess weight). Without the deeper work, effective treatment or lasting results will elude even the best of EFT practitioners.
During the weight loss seminar, I provided small DOVE chocolates as a prop to get participants salivating. I then asked the participants who felt a strong urge for the chocolate to come to the front of the room for a tapping demonstration.
"Ann's" craving for the chocolate was an "8" (on a 0-10 scale). She tapped for "Even though I crave this chocolate, I deeply and completely accept myself." After one round, the chocolate still smelled good to her, yet her craving/ urge was reduced to a manageable "4." However, she told the class she couldn't imagine passing up the Godiva chocolate at her favorite Barnes and Noble bookstore. (As is quite common, a new aspect had emerged). She tapped again: "Even though I can't resist the Godiva chocolate, I deeply..." The urge faded a bit and she thought she "might" be able to resist them. She tapped a second round for "Even though I can't resist Godiva chocolate..." as she pictured the familiar, fancy, gold boxes tempting her in the bookstore. She was finally able to "see" herself passing up the formerly irresistible chocolates, although she still had some doubts.
Then I asked the class to tap for "Even though I feel deeply deprived, I completely love and accept myself." This hit a nerve with Ann. She was able to feel even more confident and empowered to pass by the Godiva boxes and felt more understanding of the emotional drivers behind her food cravings.
Later in the workshop, Ann said she became quite anxious about the thought of reaching/imagining herself at her goal weight. We tapped for "Even though I don't feel comfortable losing the weight again..." and "Even though I can't picture myself reaching my goal." The class also tapped for "Even though I don't feel safe leaving my comfort zone..." and "Even though I feel more comfortable staying overweight..."
Later in the class, I asked participants a question I use with all my clients:
"What happened the last time you were at your goal weight?"
A light bulb went on for Ann. She was able to identify the source of her emotional resistance to picturing herself successfully reaching her desired weight. She revealed to the group that she associated reaching her goal weight with her first marriage which had ended quite painfully. She was quite surprised by this revelation, yet delighted to uncover this hidden connection.
In a follow-up phone call, Ann said she had been doing her daily tapping and was able to conclude that her "fears of intimacy and being hurt by love are definite contributors to my addiction to overeating." Trying to avoid these fears and anxieties had allowed her to overeat and put on the extra weight. This bright, experienced, successful psychologist with years of professional psychological experience and self-exploration said she felt "blown away" by the previously unrecognized emotional issues that were revealed by using EFT.
Stay tuned for the next installment.
Dr. Carol Look
http://www.emofree.com/Addictions/weightlossseries.htm
But just take them one at a time. Here is part 1. And I am going to follow it myself and let you know the results.
Dr. Carol Look's series on Weight Loss
Hi Everyone,
Dr. Carol Look provides us with a series regarding the use of EFT for weight loss. The subsequent installments are appended below. Notice the various well-worded Set Up statements and her pivotal, core-issue question, "What happened the last time you were at your goal weight?"
Hugs, Gary
By Dr. Carol Look
Part I
During my recent "EFT for Weight Loss" seminar, patterns and themes emerged that Gary suggested I write up as a series of posts for the EFT list. Please notice in the case below how simply treating an urge or craving for food fails to address the real emotional drivers that trigger compulsive overeating (which, of course, cause a client to maintain excess weight). Without the deeper work, effective treatment or lasting results will elude even the best of EFT practitioners.
During the weight loss seminar, I provided small DOVE chocolates as a prop to get participants salivating. I then asked the participants who felt a strong urge for the chocolate to come to the front of the room for a tapping demonstration.
"Ann's" craving for the chocolate was an "8" (on a 0-10 scale). She tapped for "Even though I crave this chocolate, I deeply and completely accept myself." After one round, the chocolate still smelled good to her, yet her craving/ urge was reduced to a manageable "4." However, she told the class she couldn't imagine passing up the Godiva chocolate at her favorite Barnes and Noble bookstore. (As is quite common, a new aspect had emerged). She tapped again: "Even though I can't resist the Godiva chocolate, I deeply..." The urge faded a bit and she thought she "might" be able to resist them. She tapped a second round for "Even though I can't resist Godiva chocolate..." as she pictured the familiar, fancy, gold boxes tempting her in the bookstore. She was finally able to "see" herself passing up the formerly irresistible chocolates, although she still had some doubts.
Then I asked the class to tap for "Even though I feel deeply deprived, I completely love and accept myself." This hit a nerve with Ann. She was able to feel even more confident and empowered to pass by the Godiva boxes and felt more understanding of the emotional drivers behind her food cravings.
Later in the workshop, Ann said she became quite anxious about the thought of reaching/imagining herself at her goal weight. We tapped for "Even though I don't feel comfortable losing the weight again..." and "Even though I can't picture myself reaching my goal." The class also tapped for "Even though I don't feel safe leaving my comfort zone..." and "Even though I feel more comfortable staying overweight..."
Later in the class, I asked participants a question I use with all my clients:
"What happened the last time you were at your goal weight?"
A light bulb went on for Ann. She was able to identify the source of her emotional resistance to picturing herself successfully reaching her desired weight. She revealed to the group that she associated reaching her goal weight with her first marriage which had ended quite painfully. She was quite surprised by this revelation, yet delighted to uncover this hidden connection.
In a follow-up phone call, Ann said she had been doing her daily tapping and was able to conclude that her "fears of intimacy and being hurt by love are definite contributors to my addiction to overeating." Trying to avoid these fears and anxieties had allowed her to overeat and put on the extra weight. This bright, experienced, successful psychologist with years of professional psychological experience and self-exploration said she felt "blown away" by the previously unrecognized emotional issues that were revealed by using EFT.
Stay tuned for the next installment.
Dr. Carol Look
Monday, January 22, 2007
More than just weight
Well, how is it going? How are the cravings? Are you tapping? Getting any relief? Anything surprising coming up? We have been dealing with surface issues of a physical nature. But there is more to weight than pounds. The pounds we carry can weigh much more on us than they actually do. The emotional weight can be so heavy that it buries us or it can make us so numb that we dont even feel it.
How do we get to the bottom of it? By asking some good questions and then tapping on our answers. If we change from eating chocolate, to drinking soda, or ice cream, or even some other behavior like internet addiction, we have not overcome the craving or addiction, just changed preferences. So what kinds of questions should we ask? This message is going to focus on two things. First how we see ourselves and secondly, our past.
I want you to imagine for just a minute that you are at the successful end of weight loss and have reached your goal weight. How does that feel, look, sound? Do you feel the excitement of a job well done? Can you see yourself in a new outfit or bathing suit looking great? Can you hear the compliments that people are giving you? You can? Great! You can't? It's important that you can. Let's talk a little. First of all, whatever your reasonable goal weight may be, change it by one pound. A reasonable goal might be 150 pounds. But, for some reason, you get stuck and cannot get past a 165 threshold. So, I was given the advice by a fellow EFT practitioner to change it by 1 pound. Either choose 149 or 151. I can hear most of you choosing 149.
More questions. Why cant you see, feel, hear yourself at your goal weight? Think about it. "Well, my butt is the size of manhattan. I hate my thighs. My cellulite is disgusting." (for examples) Start tapping. Even though my butt is the size of Manhattan...even though I hate my thighs...even though I cant stand the cellulite...I love myself anyway without judgement." Now this can go all over the place and may bring up things you werent expecting. Feelings of emptiness, loneliness, or anger or other emotions are common. Emptiness is a big one. Feeling deprived is another. We often try to fill that emptiness by stuffing ourselves with whatever we can...food, friends, in some cases alcohol, drugs, smoking. Each of these feelings needs to be effectively dealt with to lighten the emotional load. Tap until you can get those feelings down to nothing and if you get stuck, let me know.
Lets talk about the past. Go back to a time when you were at your ideal weight and then you gained weight and couldn't lose it. When was that? What was going on in your life at that time? These answers will take us to more interesting questions. Three in particular. 1) What is the cost to you if you lose weight? 2) What do you gain by keeping the weight? 3) What happened the last time I lost weight?
Why are these important? The first question asks you to think about what would be a negative if you lost weight. Consciously you may say, there is no negative and maybe that is true. But, for example, if you have no skinny friends or secretly hate skinny people, or your friends hate skinny people, what happens when you become "skinny?" Hmmm, suddenly we may wonder whether our friends will still love and accept us if we are skinny. This is a real obstacle. We may have to get new friends if they cant deeply and completely accept us as we are. LOL! "Even though my friends may hate me if I am skinny. Even though I dont want to lose my friends and get new ones...Question number two is the flipside of one. What is the benefit to keeping the extra pounds? Maybe you are afraid you will have to give up too much. Maybe you think you will never be able to enjoy food again. Maybe someone in your life likes you with those pounds and therefore you are safe. "Even though my weight means I am safe. Even though I am afraid I will never be able to indulge in what I want. Even though I will have to deprive myself to be who I want. Even though I dont want to give up my sweets."
The last time you were at your ideal weight can tell you a lot. Here is my little personal insight and I have not tapped about it yet. The last time I was at my ideal weight, I actually went rather far below it. On the day I had my gallbladder out, I weighed 134 pounds. I had little fat left on me. My thighs didnt know each other anymore. I had just been through 8 months of hell, because I wanted to preserve my gall bladder. Whether that was intelligent or not is another story (but I sure wish now I could have tapped on it) but suffice it to say that dozens of attempts to cleanse, changes of diet, and many, many painful attacks finally literally brought me to my knees in pain and anguish. Througout the ordeal as the pounds dropped really with incredible ease, I had friends making a really big deal about it in a negative way. I did not want people to notice. One gal in particular actually sneered at me in a joking way and told me she hated me. Another regularly came up to me and grabbed my clothes to puncutate that she was noticing and that I should be doing something about it. Now, I enjoyed the weight loss at first and to a point. But once I kept going down below 145, I began to worry. I knew that I could not continue on this way. So, I eventually had surgery. I really dont remember after surgery how I gained weight the first few months. I am sure I did because I could now eat things I hadn't in months. But when I became pregnant with my 7th child 4 months later, that was all she wrote. I have never been able to drop the excess pounds since. That was almost 4 years ago. I tell the long story to explain that when I asked myself why I could not lose weight, this experience came up. I actually asked what happened the last time I was at an ideal (or less than ideal) weight. And I came to the conclusion, that for me, I am internalizing that weight loss is painful and uncomfortable and gets you noticed and gets you enemies. I dont believe that in my conscious mind, but the sub-conscious matters most. So, start asking questions. You may find that if you dont have a lot of weight to lose, that you feel guilty because someone you love has more to carry around than you do. It should not matter, who has the most to lose. If you want a better you, dont feel guilty about it.
One last thing. The power of postive affirmations cannot be emphasized especially when combined with EFT. I have read many PA books and either some of it just was not true for me, like Zig Ziglar insisting that you get up in the morning and exclaim you feel like a million bucks. Or I started out strong and then it petered out. Here are a couple of suggestions when writing affirmations. Always keep it in the positive. Dont say, I dont want to be negative. That's two negatives. Say, I am a positive person. Which brings me to the second rule. Always state the PAs in the I am form. I have been thinking about the power of those words. We know in scripture, God identifies Himself as I AM. Those words, when uttered by our own mouths, identifies us. How do we want to be identified? I am a bad mother? I am a failure? I am such an idiot? We really should watch what we say. Our words can become our own creation. So, instead, I am 149 pounds and that's what I weigh. I am a joyful person. I am a great wife and mother. I am financially free. (Not I am out of debt--the focus becomes the debt instead of the freedom) See what I mean? If we can begin to imagine the life we want, and believe it, and speak it into creation, it really can be. I hope this information will be helpful for you. I dont know what's next, but I know I'll come up with something.
Blessings, Dawn
How do we get to the bottom of it? By asking some good questions and then tapping on our answers. If we change from eating chocolate, to drinking soda, or ice cream, or even some other behavior like internet addiction, we have not overcome the craving or addiction, just changed preferences. So what kinds of questions should we ask? This message is going to focus on two things. First how we see ourselves and secondly, our past.
I want you to imagine for just a minute that you are at the successful end of weight loss and have reached your goal weight. How does that feel, look, sound? Do you feel the excitement of a job well done? Can you see yourself in a new outfit or bathing suit looking great? Can you hear the compliments that people are giving you? You can? Great! You can't? It's important that you can. Let's talk a little. First of all, whatever your reasonable goal weight may be, change it by one pound. A reasonable goal might be 150 pounds. But, for some reason, you get stuck and cannot get past a 165 threshold. So, I was given the advice by a fellow EFT practitioner to change it by 1 pound. Either choose 149 or 151. I can hear most of you choosing 149.
More questions. Why cant you see, feel, hear yourself at your goal weight? Think about it. "Well, my butt is the size of manhattan. I hate my thighs. My cellulite is disgusting." (for examples) Start tapping. Even though my butt is the size of Manhattan...even though I hate my thighs...even though I cant stand the cellulite...I love myself anyway without judgement." Now this can go all over the place and may bring up things you werent expecting. Feelings of emptiness, loneliness, or anger or other emotions are common. Emptiness is a big one. Feeling deprived is another. We often try to fill that emptiness by stuffing ourselves with whatever we can...food, friends, in some cases alcohol, drugs, smoking. Each of these feelings needs to be effectively dealt with to lighten the emotional load. Tap until you can get those feelings down to nothing and if you get stuck, let me know.
Lets talk about the past. Go back to a time when you were at your ideal weight and then you gained weight and couldn't lose it. When was that? What was going on in your life at that time? These answers will take us to more interesting questions. Three in particular. 1) What is the cost to you if you lose weight? 2) What do you gain by keeping the weight? 3) What happened the last time I lost weight?
Why are these important? The first question asks you to think about what would be a negative if you lost weight. Consciously you may say, there is no negative and maybe that is true. But, for example, if you have no skinny friends or secretly hate skinny people, or your friends hate skinny people, what happens when you become "skinny?" Hmmm, suddenly we may wonder whether our friends will still love and accept us if we are skinny. This is a real obstacle. We may have to get new friends if they cant deeply and completely accept us as we are. LOL! "Even though my friends may hate me if I am skinny. Even though I dont want to lose my friends and get new ones...Question number two is the flipside of one. What is the benefit to keeping the extra pounds? Maybe you are afraid you will have to give up too much. Maybe you think you will never be able to enjoy food again. Maybe someone in your life likes you with those pounds and therefore you are safe. "Even though my weight means I am safe. Even though I am afraid I will never be able to indulge in what I want. Even though I will have to deprive myself to be who I want. Even though I dont want to give up my sweets."
The last time you were at your ideal weight can tell you a lot. Here is my little personal insight and I have not tapped about it yet. The last time I was at my ideal weight, I actually went rather far below it. On the day I had my gallbladder out, I weighed 134 pounds. I had little fat left on me. My thighs didnt know each other anymore. I had just been through 8 months of hell, because I wanted to preserve my gall bladder. Whether that was intelligent or not is another story (but I sure wish now I could have tapped on it) but suffice it to say that dozens of attempts to cleanse, changes of diet, and many, many painful attacks finally literally brought me to my knees in pain and anguish. Througout the ordeal as the pounds dropped really with incredible ease, I had friends making a really big deal about it in a negative way. I did not want people to notice. One gal in particular actually sneered at me in a joking way and told me she hated me. Another regularly came up to me and grabbed my clothes to puncutate that she was noticing and that I should be doing something about it. Now, I enjoyed the weight loss at first and to a point. But once I kept going down below 145, I began to worry. I knew that I could not continue on this way. So, I eventually had surgery. I really dont remember after surgery how I gained weight the first few months. I am sure I did because I could now eat things I hadn't in months. But when I became pregnant with my 7th child 4 months later, that was all she wrote. I have never been able to drop the excess pounds since. That was almost 4 years ago. I tell the long story to explain that when I asked myself why I could not lose weight, this experience came up. I actually asked what happened the last time I was at an ideal (or less than ideal) weight. And I came to the conclusion, that for me, I am internalizing that weight loss is painful and uncomfortable and gets you noticed and gets you enemies. I dont believe that in my conscious mind, but the sub-conscious matters most. So, start asking questions. You may find that if you dont have a lot of weight to lose, that you feel guilty because someone you love has more to carry around than you do. It should not matter, who has the most to lose. If you want a better you, dont feel guilty about it.
One last thing. The power of postive affirmations cannot be emphasized especially when combined with EFT. I have read many PA books and either some of it just was not true for me, like Zig Ziglar insisting that you get up in the morning and exclaim you feel like a million bucks. Or I started out strong and then it petered out. Here are a couple of suggestions when writing affirmations. Always keep it in the positive. Dont say, I dont want to be negative. That's two negatives. Say, I am a positive person. Which brings me to the second rule. Always state the PAs in the I am form. I have been thinking about the power of those words. We know in scripture, God identifies Himself as I AM. Those words, when uttered by our own mouths, identifies us. How do we want to be identified? I am a bad mother? I am a failure? I am such an idiot? We really should watch what we say. Our words can become our own creation. So, instead, I am 149 pounds and that's what I weigh. I am a joyful person. I am a great wife and mother. I am financially free. (Not I am out of debt--the focus becomes the debt instead of the freedom) See what I mean? If we can begin to imagine the life we want, and believe it, and speak it into creation, it really can be. I hope this information will be helpful for you. I dont know what's next, but I know I'll come up with something.
Blessings, Dawn
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